It’s not fair.

Today was such a great day. So many awesome things were done and I even was nice to Douche-Boyfriend, and then he goes and depresses my mom again. Can you please fucking stop it? We were having a perfectly great day.

Then he was shitty, and then later on our dryer broke, and I’m having a hell of a time trying to write this dumb paper. Everything is very frustrating. I wish it would do me a favor and stop.


We deserve happiness … why is it so hard to achieve for us?


I hope everyone out there is having a better weekend …


In A Perfect World

I’d have parents who planned me, who today cared about my ambitions and my activities and the things I do.

I’d have a dad who today, despite the mileage, would make an effort to talk to me; who today, despite the political opinion disparity, discussed something else with me; who wasn’t a lazy fuck and who would want to spend time with me, instead of claiming to want to see me and to play single-player games the entire visit and claim to get their feelings hurt when I want to hang out with Grandma instead.

I’d have a mom who could put away her temporary boyfriend to see the value not only in me but in herself; who could differentiate the person who made her mad and me, and subsequently correctly channel those otherwise normal and natural feelings; who could have a similar temperament day-to-day, and not scare me into walking on glass each day and hoping for luck that I won’t upset her.

I’d be able to learn to drive and not pay $425, while my boyfriend got driver’s ed for free; I’d be able to make friends and not feel alone in Connecticut; I’d be unafraid to talk to people, in groups or individuals; I’d be better at managing my time; I’d not feel like a waste of air for not being anywhere near as high up in the class as some of my peers who treat me horribly; I’d not feel ashamed to ask my mom for lunch money because of the mini financial crisis we’re having; I’d not have to push myself to run the mile every year of high school for gym and feel breathless (not in a good way); I’d be better at comprehending math; I wouldn’t compare myself to everyone and feel like shit all the time; et cetera.

Kingdom Hearts wouldn’t try to ship its game on nine different platforms; the roleplay on World of Warcraft wouldn’t be limited to veterans who have been doing it for 5-7 years and are completely decked out in awesome, and instead be less intimidating for newcomers; Facebook would pick a decent layout and STICK WITH IT ….

The lists could go on. What would your perfect world be like?

You think the only people who are people…

… are the people who look and think like you.

I don’t have that much to say tonight. I’m just very sad. People continue to politicize and criticize and review and theorize the Sandy Hook shooting. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I really despise conspiracy theorists. Or at least those really pushy hateful conspiracy theorists who, similarly to extreme vegans, refuse to allow you to peacefully exist if you don’t accept their views and thoughts and feelings. If you disagree, you are a fucking disgrace. According to them, you are filth and you hardly deserve to exist. Especially in my family, this is directed against me in the form of elitism and superiority complexes. I am always wrong and misguided because I am younger and therefore cannot possibly know what I’m talking about.

And the sad thing is that you can’t just let it go with these kinds of people, because they won’t let you. They can’t shove their opinions aside for awhile to maintain decent conversation. I can’t understand it. I really can’t.

I’m sorry. I wish I had more to write about today, but I am at a loss. I’m just so frustrated and sad. This weariness is meaningless. Why do people like to breed stress? Whom does it benefit?


Lessons in Love


Tonight’s post is brought to you by complete and total idiocy.

Some people drive me absolutely insane. Number one on that list being my mother who y’all are all accustomed to by now. Like usual she is getting upset at everything and taking no responsibility for anything that happens to her and getting lots’a booze and what not … and of course, taking out every thing that ever upsets her on ME because I’m here and she can. 😐 Another being a friend I’ve made recently (SHOCKER!) who’s super nice and like most nice guys in the world … gets fucked over by stupid useless girls. Le siiiigh.

All right so anyway, here’s some words of some kind of hopefully positive inspirational … something. I don’t even know. Most of these feel like common sense to me but I’ve been listening and watching and it seems like people just LACK COMMON SENSE these days so here we go.


Seriously … Every person I’ve ever encountered who acts like no one cares about them actually has a lot of people who care about them. That, or they post on things like TUMBLR or Twitter or whatever else where they have a cool unit of similarity and support each other and shit, you know? Sometimes even both are true! And it just makes me sad to see people who are so fucking determined to be unhappy that they literally do not give a fuck about themselves. They actually ignore or don’t care about people who want to make them/their situation better. What do you say to someone like this? Seriously, cause all the things I’ve BEEN saying don’t seem to register with anyone. >_>; So if you feel this way, take a good look at your peers. There’s probably a lot of shitty ones yeah. But there are probably a lot more than you like to acknowledge who care about what happens to you!

2.) Don’t put yourself in situations that will upset you.

I know, right? Do I have to say this? COMMON SENSE! Right? Evidently not, because nobody seems to understand this concept. Hmm, I like this girl and she’s offering me to hang out, but this other guy she likes is going .. I SHOULD TOTALLY GO! Or: This guy treats me like an absolute douchebag, but I LIKE HIM. Hmm… No. STOP IT. Just … why are you doing this to yourselves? Why? WHYWHYWHY?

3.) Stop letting people take advantage of you.

I can be brutally honest here because no one who this is about is likely to read it. Most of the people in these kinds of situations are not the strongest of people. They’ve had shitty pasts and relationships and what-have-you else, and they’re (generally) good people. Who are really nice to everyone, and don’t know how to deal with people of the opposite sex who they’re attracted to. Well let me tell you. No matter how much you like a person, if they treat you like you’re worthless while you treat them like a king or queen, they are absolutely not worth your time. You need someone who values you and your opinions and feelings and thoughts and everything! Not someone who just wants you when it’s convenient for them for whatever reason.

4.) If you’re mad at someone, don’t talk to them. 

Even if they’re talking to you. Fuckin’ ignore their asses. They were douches and you actually acknowledged it instead of being a beaten housewife and saying you fucking deserved it – WHICH IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! Have some fuckin’ confidence in your feelings because you matter.

5.) Stop telling everyone you talk to about your exes.

They are exes. They are out of your lives. Assuming you actually hope to get over them, stop inserting them into every conversation. STOP. STOPPPP.

Okay … I ran out of steam and attention for this one but please, people, care about yourselves. Care about yourselves and try to be a little optimistic. It will pay off, I swear to you.

Stress and Gaming: Two Brief Rants

Homework can be a useful tool for reviewing and mastering material. It can also be a powerful tool of torture when everyone expects you to complete everything in such a short amount of time that you have little to no relaxation time left over. Furthermore, headaches are terrible and migraines are worse.

Because it’s 10 pm and I need to go to bed soon … That’s all I’m really gonna say about  school. Today was a bad day, and after I did as much as necessary for school tomorrow, I spent a lot of the afternoon and evening on World of Warcraft.

If y’all are anywhere near as nerdy as me, or nerdy to any extent about computer games, you probably know that World of Warcraft’s long-awaited expansion Mists of Pandaria was released yesterday. And if you’ve ever played WoW or any MMO right after the release of brand new content, you know that it’s crazily crowded and usually a pain to get anything done because everyone’s competing to get the loot off of X amount of mobs. Et cetera.

IN ANY EVENT, Blizzard has these cross-realm zones and a lot of people don’t like them. At the same time, it’s day two of a new expansion … and everyone’s down-talking Blizzard and calling them stupid, et cetera. It’s like, hm — if you don’t like Blizzard, you don’t have to play the damn game! Some of us enjoy WoW and love the game we play and that is why we play! I’m not sure why I’m writing about this … the person who set me off was talking in Westfall General a few hours ago and I had a lot more mojo to rant about then, and now I’m just kind of mildly angry.

The point is Blizzard works really hard to provide for their fanbase and if you don’t like what they’re doing … take it to the forums, IF you can do so in a civil manner. Moderators actually frequent the forums and respond to player threads all of the time. They’re always looking for feedback … constructive feedback. Too many assholes and morons just say “Lol FUCK U BLIZZ u sux”  …. no, Blizzard’s not going to give you a response that way.

First day of junior year & a little more ranting.

Today was my first day of junior year, as the title suggests. My class lineup (for A days) is as follows:

  • AP Psychology
  • Algebra II
  • Creative Writing
  • Chemistry

Psychology was all right, mostly because I knew the teacher ahead of time and he’s a pretty funny guy. There are only two people in the class who I know at all and neither of them are really friendly to me. The rest are mostly seniors.

Algebra went okay. I have two friends in there from the couple years I’ve been locked away in Connecticut. I don’t know the teacher very well but she seems nice, and we have another student teacher this year just like freshman year and Algebra I. Unlike the freshman student teacher, though, this lady seems very reserved and meek.  I don’t know how helpful she’ll actually be to the class or if she’s open enough to be a teacher.

Creative writing was a wonderful course and I’m already so glad I took it. The teacher is an absolute delight and wickedly funny. Plus the fact we’ll be writing so much is just a great, great thing all by itself. Unfortunately, probably half of this class is full of kids who are seniors and only in the class for the credit. That’s worrisome to me, but I doubt it’ll affect me very much in this kind of class.

And finally chemistry, which I’m a little apprehensive about because the sciences have given me some trouble in the past years. I’m still in all accelerated courses (excluding the AP Psych and English which I have tomorrow) so it’s not a LOT of trouble, but I’m still worried mildly about it. The teacher seems nice, however, so that’s always a plus. She seems slightly reserved as well but has a chipper sense of humor.

I’m a little worried about tomorrow still, because there are four more new classes. (Rather, three – one is a study hall for the first semester and I’ll probably be resuming my job in the library during that time. Still, though, there’s a new library media specialist this year and that’s unfortunate.) But at least we have a three day weekend, so it’s kind of easing into the school year.

Now … for a little rant. You all know my mother from the previous post. She was a little less ridiculous and angry and shit tonight (rather, much less angry) but she still cares more about her Twitter personality and friends in other countries than her daughter. Granted I have been away for two months, but I still feel like she’s being a shit mom and it really sucks to feel like I don’t matter.

Oh well. Anyway, I’m going to relax for awhile before bed. Last night I had a hard time going to sleep (not falling asleep until a while after midnight) but fortunately I don’t think that’ll be a problem tonight.