If I even have any solid readers, it’s probably not news to any of you that I’m a hugely sensitive person. And if it is … well, you learn something new every day.
It’s probably also not news that I live in Connecticut and I don’t like it here, and although I’ve moved several times before, I’ve never had as much trouble making friends as I’ve had here.
I wrote a poem about this last year that kind of explained what I theorized was the majority of my take on the situation and where I delegated the BS factors of it all, but today I rediscovered another one and it sucks. And the thing is that by high school, most people already have close-knit friends and don’t really need any more. Even if you treat them like family, you do not come before their best friends. You just can’t edge your way in.
But that’s not really the thing, actually, that’s a specific tangent and I apologize. The thing is that people are completely unaware of the effects of the things they say to people and it can often hurt whether or not they seem to realize it. ._.
So, I realize that I’m a little more emotional than most, but the complete and total lack of consideration for people’s feelings that I get from some people is a reality check for me sometimes, like throwing a baseball at a window. (Accidentally, they all say.) Shards of glass hurt whether they’re intentionally falling or not, though.
So, I know. I suck. I really do. I’m a terrible blogger within the school year and I really apologize. The good side of this is that I am actually getting all of my homework done which is a brand new thing to me. Usually I have a study hall to achieve the better portion of it, but this year I don’t have a single study hall until the second semester, after Psychology and gym end and Geography & Cultures of Latin America and Africa (what a long class title) begins. Which sucks.
I’m still putting my best foot forward at attempting to maintain this blog but clearly it has lost all regularity. I’m super tired most of the time because I’m in gym, which I’m pulling off (stronger!) but am incredibly tired afterwards and I’m still insanely out of shape. I salute and love and would totally glomp all of you continued readers who still faithfully come back and check for updates despite my mess of a schedule.
So, like, my optimistic mood is completely fucked up now because a girl I used to know hates me for, like, literally no reason and thinks I’m a c-word which I really hate that word, guys, sorry if you think I’m a pussy, I don’t mind any other word but that. But anyway, yeah, she hates me completely and it’s really taking a toll on me because we’ve literally been friends since first grade. But whatever, I’m going to try to keep writing because I’ve been disappointingly absent.
I suppose I’ll just go straight into the meme. There’s a question, but because before literally a week ago the last update was in October 2010 I’m just going to do it however I want and that is with a little bullet list of stuff I want. The name of the game is “I Want… Wednesday” which, as always, I found from the lovely and ever-helpful The Daily Meme. So.. Here we go.
More free time. This one can’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s been keeping up with this blog as my posts went from every day to every few days to no regular schedule whatsoever, for which I again profusely apologize.
Lots and lots of mason jars. I don’t know where people get all these goddamn mason jars from, but I really want as many as everyone else seems to have so that I can do lots of lovely crafts and packaging for bath products and whatnot.
A better work ethic. I know when I need to do my homework but it’s a straining chore for me to get up and get it and then to actually do it. It sucks. I wish it was just effortless and simple as it is for everyone else.
More time to do my hair. I have a new haircut and if I feel a little less terrible when I’m done writing this I may post a picture of it. It’s very short, and I like it. A huge transition from what I normally have. But I still need to straighten it for it to look good, which I just never have the time or desire to make myself do.
More friends. No, really. I have to write this one. In case the sob story above wasn’t enough, I also moved to Connecticut in February of 2010 and I don’t know if I’ve vented about this before but I’ve got the worst kind of trouble finding and making friends here. It’s like everyone hates me because I’m a Southerner. Well isn’t that fantastic.
Happiness. I’m in a very sad mood now. When this happens I realize all the crappy things going on. I feel like arse for not keeping up with the blog, for barely managing to keep up with my homework, for being a sad and sore mess all the time now that school’s started… It sucks. I feel like I’m, like, play-dough that got rolled all the way out as thin as it could go and that four year old kid is still rolling rolling rolling, not realizing that it’s about to break if they aren’t careful.
Today is not the day for the picture. I apologize. I hope you all have a wonderful night, week, and upcoming weekend.