An update in the life.

Unfortunately, here I am – sick again. I’ll spare you half the details as they aren’t the freshest – and tell you only that I had very sharp and very terrible stomach pains earlier this morning. They have mostly subsided, but even with eating bread (intentionally very harmless food to avoid any more upset) there is still a dull pain.

I’ve slept a lot this morning in an attempt to sleep off whatever is ailing me but to little to no avail. But I was looking for things to write about and I started reading some of my older posts, primarily Volunteering!, which talked a lot about where I was in school and whatnot.

So.. News! It’s now May, and I have completed the 50 hours required to receive a half-credit. Additionally, since I don’t plan to just stop working until next year, I’m allowed to earn hours towards my junior year half-credit. Since I’m starting early, it’s 60 hours instead of 50 to keep it fair, but that’s fine by me. No reason not to kick ass. 🙂

With school, I’ve been kicking my grades up through the roof. I have all A’s except for History and English which are a high and low B respectively. I suspect, however, that my English grade is actually higher because the teacher has only entered three assignments’ worth of grades into our grade-checking program. Which is annoying, by the way – teachers are always encouraging you to check it for your grades and then some teachers hardly ever use it!

Sickness and distraction have clouded up my mind from writing very well but I have a couple of other posts that I’d like to revive just in case anyone is new to reading my blog and would like to check out some older posts on topics I’ve recently written about …

  • Regarding the recent anti-Amendment One post: Freedom
  • Not something I’ve talked about recently, but one of my most popular posts from last summer: Thursday Thirteen: Crafts I Want To Try
  • Again, not something I’ve talked about, but this is a wonderful story of love and sex. Obviously.. Click at your own discretion: In Defense of Love. (Previously seen in this post.)
  • On being happy for what you have: Appreciation.

Have a good Wednesday, everybody, and a great week if I fail to post again.


Incredible rant

Dear god, what an awful day. First: It’s Friday, and I’m home sick because this morning and last night I felt like absolute shit. I was very stressed and emotionally … emotionally, just fucked. However, I had three quizzes today plus a project due that I can’t email easily.

For the next two weeks I, as a sophomore, am required to do CAPT testing which is Connecticut’s version of TAKS testing for Texas or EOG’s and EOC’s for North Carolina; I’m sure you all have or remember those terrible standardized assessments that were just God-awful. And I don’t even say that as I’m a non-religious person. In case any of you don’t know, I’m referring to multiple-choice and open-answered assessments required by the state in the US for students to take and pass. The abbreviations are as follows in the order they appear above: Connecticut Academic Performance Test, Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skill, End of Grade and End of Course. These are the three variants of tests I’ve taken in the three various states I’ve lived in for middle school and high school. I can honestly say that they are all the exact same category of tests … just different names.

This means that the school schedule will become hectic and making up those quizzes will be difficult. Not to mention that I was not even really prepared for 2 of the 3 quizzes that I was responsible for today. I have homework that I need to make up in addition to whatever was likely given today. I have a lab report I need to write.

Put simply, I am stressed.

It’s 12:30 now, half past noon. The past half hour has been taken up with showering and writing this blog. This morning was composed of sleep and reading the blog of an artist of a webcomic I have long been a fan of. In other words … Nearly nothing.

Have you ever been okay with a somewhat shitty situation until you saw something – anything, it could be other people, an object, a photo of a place or seeing yourself in the mirror – and just … started thinking about how much your situation sucks?

Not only do I feel uncomfortable writing about the murky details of it but suffice to say that I hate Connecticut and all of its inhabitants, is the general summary. It is a wicked place and I mean that in the literal sense of the word rather than its adapted form, a synonym for ‘very’ that I’d never heard in real life until moving here.

Have you ever tried to reform yourself by quitting bad habits cold-turkey and had a wonderful and rewarding streak of success … only to fall for ONE day and be completely demoralized? How do you recuperate from that horrible feeling?

Freshman year, I was kind of a bad student. Not the obnoxiously loud and talkative kind. But the kind who never had their homework in because they simply couldn’t be arsed to do it. My grades weren’t terrible, but it was apparent that effort was just minimal. This year, I’ve been trying very avidly to pick my grades up and keep them up and do all my homework and pour just … so much more effort into school. I have become interested in colleges and getting into where I want to be. Just.. almost a 180 turn around.
But … Yesterday. I don’t know what happened. Time flew without anything being done and I just … I just don’t know what happened. It was a mess. Headaches and stress and fear and just everything builds up.

I was going to rant a lot more but writing it all out makes it harder to focus on and cope with in a rational and reasonable way of thinking, so I am going to go ahead and call it quits for now. I promise to keep up with the blog more frequently. I know this on-and-off thing is annoying; it annoys me too, I have great ideas and no time or all the time in the world with no idea what to type.

Here’s hoping you guys are having a better time than I am.

Sincere Apologies of Absolute Abandonment

I didn’t finish NaNoWriMo.

Congratulations, however, to everyone who did successfully finish. I am envious and determined to complete NaNo next year as well as both Camp NaNos this summer. I’ve already got ideas for writing and am quite proud of what I’ve already gathered.

However, I really have completely abandoned this lovely blog of mine and didn’t write once during the month of November and I think that might be a large part of the reason why I failed. It turns out that November decided to be a very unlucky month of trouble, trauma and drama and I was very stressed in the second week.

We’re talking about Christmas now and everyone’s shopping or shopped or has ideas or doesn’t … it’s a hustle bustle time of year. But the holiday season is actually my favorite. The holiday season of winter has the best food of the whole year. It also has some of the best, most familiar music everywhere.

I’m writing at half past noon because I’m sick today. I tried to brave school but it just didn’t work out and I came home after Spanish. Psychology was nice although it offered no aid to my growing headache. B days give me huge headaches. In psychology, we’re in psycho-physiology which essentially has to do with consciousness, sleeping, and dreams and what they mean, if they mean anything and how much importance we should hold in them.

I’d love to go into more detail but I’m fairly exhausted because I haven’t had enough sleep lately as well as the fact that I’m not feeling very well. I really, quite seriously apologize to my few and far between loyal readers. Now that November is over I promise to resume updating! I just can’t promise the frequency.

Have a wonderful holiday season, everybody. 🙂

Couldn’t be sorrier if I tried.

I’m doing well. Researching and planning and taking notes and things for Nano. Very sleepy. Catching up on schoolwork too, or keeping myself on top of it. Either way you look at it. Ooh, it’s been such a long day, with such a rollercoaster of emotion that I just.. no. Can’t. I hope you don’t despise this blog for the lack of commentary. I miss you lovely loyal readers forever. Pray that I don’t lose my sanity next month.

What A Fantastic Day!

Seriously, I don’t even know what was up with today but it was just a really wonderful day. I’m very pleased and optimistic about tomorrow as well.

This week at my school is Spirit Week, which is a truly awful job on Student Council’s part considering this is a four-day week courtesy of Columbus Day today. Tomorrow, Tuesday, is college spirit day. So at Champ’s … sporting goods store, or whatever it’s called, I don’t know because I don’t go to these things on a normal basis … ANYWAY I GOT A LONGHORNS SHIRT! 😀 Two of them actually, because a t-shirt was $18 and they had a sale of 2 for $25. So what a no-brainer, eh? 😛 One of ’em’s burnt orange with UT and Longhorns and “Texas Football” on it. That’s the one I’m wearing tomorrow. The other is a black shirt that if I’m not mistaken says “Texas Longhorns” but don’t hold me to that because I bought it many many hours ago.

Wednesday is tie-day day. That one’s fairly obvious. Wear something pretty and colorful. I don’t actually have anything for this, for some reason I have no tie-dye anything. If nothing comes through for this one I may just wear a bunch of randomly colored things or perhaps lots of rainbow. I don’t know, we’ll see how it plays out.

Then Thursday is that whole “Blast from the Past” ordeal where they want you to dress up from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, etc etc etc etc. I’m going to wear flared denim jeans and my mom’s black-and-white  polka-dotted long, flow-y poncho-like shirt and a headband I bought from Claire’s today that’s black and has cute little colorful peace signs on it.

Friday is the day for actual school spirit and to wear our school’s colors of maroon and white. I don’t really have anything for that either. But at least I’m happy about the ones I am decidedly dressing up for. 🙂

Other than that, what else did we do today … oh yeah, I actually did some homework! I completed a three-page double-spaced paper on the novel Of Mice and Men. Not only did I complete the paper but I’m fairly proud of it, feel like I did a rather good job. I hate my English class this year though because I usually have a great connection with my English teachers. Even last year, when I loved my teacher but didn’t feel like she was actually successful as a teacher, she and I still got along on friendly terms. With my teacher this year, she’s super great and friendly when she’s talking to the class but whenever I speak TO HER it feels like she is impatient, waiting to get to something else … always wanting to do anything but talk to me.  I don’t know, it’s really depressing. The one benefit it has is an extra pressure on me to feel like I should work harder in a desperate attempt to make her like me more.

After we left the mall today (totally skipping around anachronistically [is that a word?] here..) Mom and I went to Panera. Mmm, Panera. Bread. I love bread. Bread is so great. I could live a perfectly wonderful life on bread and nothing else. I really wanna bake bread one day. Wouldn’t that be fun? Anyway, I need to stop blabbering about bread.

I’m getting really tired, and a little bit frustrated and the mood’s being tampered with a little bit and my whole thought process is just getting a little bit wacky. So I promise to post tomorrow, and I have this wonderful post that’s all thoughtful and lovely that I started last night but got halted by the same thing that’s affecting me right now – aka, completely random and utterly thorough tiredness … yeah. I’m going to go now before I’m completely unable to solidify a strong sentence.

Blogging for Blogging’s Sake

I’m such a terrible procrastinator, it’s depressing.

The wonderful thing is that I’ve got tomorrow off for Columbus day. This is good because I’ve got a paper due on Tuesday, 2-3 pages, that I haven’t written past the introduction paragraph. Not to mention whatever the hell’s been assigned for Geometry.

Then I have the PSAT testing on Wednesday which is just fabulous because that means I will be missing both Psychology and Spanish. That means I get to go straight from PSATs to Choir, where the teacher is uptight this year and we usually are forced off into sectionals which suck because the people that lead the Soprano section are absolute bitches with sticks up their asses.

I’m not bitter, though.

Mom and I were supposed to make cookies today but I don’t think she’ll hold on to that because she’s on the phone with some dumbass in New York despite the fact he’s married and she’s been on the phone for a long time which is not only creepy but creepy for HER, as she’s one who doesn’t DO things like call random guys that she doesn’t know. Whatever. Very annoying.

Today, I watched a documentary on the history of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell followed by It’s Kind Of A Funny Story which is a wonderful movie and an even better book. I’d read the book awhile back but I’d never seen the movie until today.

I have this really disgusting feeling like I’m tired, except I’m not. It’s kind of a groggy and indifferent-except-pissed-off-at-everything sort of feeling. I don’t know, that’s a terrible description, I’m aware. But that’s how I feel. I want to start going to a counselor and I asked Mom to call but she refuses when I actually ask her to. The only times she’s ever offered to do it on her own are when we’re actually talking peacefully and I’m enjoying it. It’s fucking terrible. But she’ll call a strange man in New York she’s never met.

I have really got to stop bitching about that stupid ordeal.

Here comes the tired part of this awful mood. I’m like physically exhausted, and hot, and gross. But I’ve already showered today and really don’t want to again. So I turn the A/C on except it’s too cold. Fuck, man. What’s with me? Is this some sort of weird bipolar-temperature sickness? I dunno. My mom’s been sick for awhile now but refuses to get anything heavier duty than fucking Aspirin. I suppose it’s not even unlikely that she’s got me sick, but.. huh. I dunno.

I’m making myself write because I’m disgusted with how little I’ve been writing when I SAID I would write every day. It used to come so easily and now the days just evaporate without having any time devoted to writing. And the things I write are so short. This here up until this point is just 484 words. And next month I’m expecting myself to be able to write 1667 words per day? Oh yes, that’ll happen.

Although, I’ve got an alternative idea that may just work out. No details, because I KNOW the one person that really reads this is going to ask -_- But it’s something I know would make the mark and something I might could feel comfortable with writing. We’ll see how it goes up until then.

Yeah I’m sorry but I can’t keep myself writing anymore, this is just depressing. Perhaps I’ll write later dare I tempt Fate that I just might find inspiration, but I don’t think it’ll happen. With less than 600 words … Adieu, WordPress.

NaNoWriMo: The Prep Begins

Today is October 1st, 31 days from the beginning of a nerve-wracking contest that I’m probably a moron for attempting to do. NaNoWriMo, if you have yet to hear about it, consists of people all over the nation attempting to write 50,000 words in the month of November in novel-form. Which essentially means, fiction. Lots of it.

I wanted to begin upon deciding what to write about by searching the NaNoWriMo forums but if you’ve ever taken a peek at them (which you can do here) they are rather long and extensive just in categories and sub-forums and I got freaked out and came back to my blog.

What to write about, hmm..

WordPress has suggested that I try to write one post per day to get me into the habit of obscene amounts of writing that I will need to partake in if I want to achieve the goal of 50,000 words. I think that on the days I have no idea what to write about (as you know is a frequent problem with me) I will look up things online about how to make a good piece of writing. I know there are lots of tips and tricks out there, and that’ll help me keep up the ideology of writing fifty thousand words in thirty days. It will also help my craft of writing as it is.

By the way, you guys may have noticed this by the way I write in blogging alone but I’m a stickler for things being spelled correctly, correct punctuation, etcetera. I can ‘t do that for NaNoWriMo. They repeat this over and over throughout the website. There is no editing your novella. It is all about the word count. All the time you spend wanting to edit or revise or reword or rephrase… No. That time should all be spent expanding.

I will be making a separate blog for the NaNoWriMo novella itself. I will keep it private because of .. well, obvious reasons. Be aware, my normal blogging will probably decrease quite a bit. I will try to QuickPress every now and again to make y’all aware of my sanity and some interesting things of my life or perhaps every now and then I’ll post an excerpt of whatever it is I’m writing.

This is truly a cheating post, and I know it is. Perhaps later if there’s much to talk about, I’ll post something similar to yesterday about thinking and recollecting memories. An interesting activity, isn’t it? Even if the random seven I picked have little to no relevance to the present, it’s still an interesting way to spend time. Simply thinking.