Boyfriend’s in the Bahamas.

Which, at least, I know – thanks to awesome websites that track plane statuses. I’m surprised, you know – even in New York, you can snag some free Wi-Fi from unsuspecting patrons of charity but I guess on Paradise Island they have a better grip on what little they can get their hands on. Fair enough, I suppose.

Today, I have:

  • Showered.
  • Watched more than half of the first season of Mad Men on Netflix.
  • Did the mountain of dishes in the sink into the washing machine.
  • Attacked a brownie pan we’ve been nonchalantly ignoring.
  • Cleaned the stove top.
  • Cleaned the toilet. (Not together!)
  • Took out every bag of trash in the house – except for the main one, because I took it out two days ago and it’s not even halfway full.
  • Dragged the trash can up to the curb.
  • Put away some school- and winter-related things in my room (yeah, I’m disorganized and a little behind).
  • Texted “friends” sadly and, you know, got
  • Walked around the house about sixteen times back and forth and around, moping.

Anxiety is a gross, disgusting thing. But I’ve done all that and he’s only left this morning. He doesn’t come back until Sunday; what exactly am I supposed to do with myself? I don’t have a lot of motivation, really – the only reason I did any housework was to keep myself busy and to calm the stomach. Honestly, the mental turmoil and the physical, literal sickness are both pretty bad if I let them steam.

God, at the rate I’m going, I’m almost missing school already. What am I supposed to do with all this time!

How is everyone else’s summer going?


Wrapping up the school year.

What a wild ride it’s been this year.

Last year, my guidance counselor told us that junior year was the most important. That’s when, colleges say, you are at your most mature – you are aware of the way high school works and how to act and that you need to be working and not slacking, and you’re not tainted by senioritis yet, et cetera. They get a feel for you.

This year sums me up pretty well, I think. I took Creative Writing, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life, and had three (so far) opportunities to share my writing in front of an audience. I skipped out on history, which was nice. I ran my best mile of my high school career (and can’t we just skip out on gym next year, too?) and I participated in the school newspaper for the entire year. Today, in fact, I earned a promotion for the newspaper for next year, a title I’m ecstatic to have. I also took Sociology this year, which was a fun and interesting course.

I took the AP Psychology and English Language & Composition exams in May, and I felt pretty confident in both of them. I liked all the essays I wrote for English and I very much felt the benefits from all the studying I did for Psychology, which was rewarding.

On the other hand, I’ve had a bit of a battle with depression and anxiety and an (squeamish men skip over the next few words) ovarian cyst, which was really shitty to deal with but eventually went away on its own. Anxiety used to only occur during air-travel time, but it’s been getting worse the past year – although not really bad enough that it deserves treatment, only that it’s been more noticeable that I have such a problem. (Also, if you’d like to read a poem I wrote about airline anxiety, click here!)  Depression has … fluctuated. Nothing unmanageable, though.

I’ve been thinking about colleges, too – and while I was looking at prestigious schools like RIT and USC for awhile, I’ve come to the basic conclusion that there are two places that are good at computer science where I would be happy: University of Texas at Austin and North Carolina State University. Texas, of course, will be my priority; but it would be nice to be in North Carolina for awhile, too.

Speaking of college, another noteworthy thing is that I’ve asked for my letters of recommendation … I have requested three and I might still need another one, because certain computer science things require one from a math or science teacher; which, of course, usually don’t hold me in the highest favors. Darn! The three I’ve asked for are from my AP English Language & Composition teacher, my Creative Writing teacher, and a teacher I had freshman and sophomore year, first for World History and then for Geography & Culture of Latin America and Africa.

Which brings me to – because of my request for letters of recommendation (which according to the schools I want to attend, I might not even need … sigh), I wrote my first resume. It looks pretty awesome, but it’s also fairly brief. It includes the Skyrim mod I made, plus how I taught myself HTML via W3 schools … and a bunch of other odd things.

The summer is quickly approaching, and so are my plans for it. I’m leaving for North Carolina on July 1st and I am counting down the days and making lists of things I want to do. Swim and cook and bake and play games and a million more. As for now, though, I’m  worn out. I apologize for the lack of writing lately and sincerely hope to write more in the summer, just as I did with the birth of this blog.

Where did April go?

What a busy time it’s been for me.

I took both of my AP exams last week. They were tiresome, but I feel pretty confident about both of them. I took the Psychology and English Language & Composition exams.

A couple of weeks before that, I made my own mod on Steam.

Last night, I decided (for some ungodly reason) to download Illustrator from my Adobe Creative Cloud pack and made a deviantART account. This afternoon I installed my Wacom Bamboo tablet onto my shiny Alienware.

A lot of the rest of the time has been filled in with finding and making up missed homework assignments and quizzes and offside conversations and roleplaying in World of Warcraft, woo! And some Minecraft, just for good measure.

Mother’s Day didn’t go so well; it never does, because my mom doesn’t really like Mother’s Day. I made her a card anyway, though. I tried to PhotoShop a card that looked like a legitimate card, which was fun.

I don’t have a lot else to say. This post is really just a bookmark saying “hey, I’m still here!” So that’s what’s been up, largely.

In A Perfect World

I’d have parents who planned me, who today cared about my ambitions and my activities and the things I do.

I’d have a dad who today, despite the mileage, would make an effort to talk to me; who today, despite the political opinion disparity, discussed something else with me; who wasn’t a lazy fuck and who would want to spend time with me, instead of claiming to want to see me and to play single-player games the entire visit and claim to get their feelings hurt when I want to hang out with Grandma instead.

I’d have a mom who could put away her temporary boyfriend to see the value not only in me but in herself; who could differentiate the person who made her mad and me, and subsequently correctly channel those otherwise normal and natural feelings; who could have a similar temperament day-to-day, and not scare me into walking on glass each day and hoping for luck that I won’t upset her.

I’d be able to learn to drive and not pay $425, while my boyfriend got driver’s ed for free; I’d be able to make friends and not feel alone in Connecticut; I’d be unafraid to talk to people, in groups or individuals; I’d be better at managing my time; I’d not feel like a waste of air for not being anywhere near as high up in the class as some of my peers who treat me horribly; I’d not feel ashamed to ask my mom for lunch money because of the mini financial crisis we’re having; I’d not have to push myself to run the mile every year of high school for gym and feel breathless (not in a good way); I’d be better at comprehending math; I wouldn’t compare myself to everyone and feel like shit all the time; et cetera.

Kingdom Hearts wouldn’t try to ship its game on nine different platforms; the roleplay on World of Warcraft wouldn’t be limited to veterans who have been doing it for 5-7 years and are completely decked out in awesome, and instead be less intimidating for newcomers; Facebook would pick a decent layout and STICK WITH IT ….

The lists could go on. What would your perfect world be like?

People Are Actually Bitching About The Oscars.





Listen. I consider myself a feminist. I believe in equal pay and all the good politics. I am in favor of video games that 1.) allow you to choose whether you’re a girl or a guy and 2.) video games that feature stronger female characters (and if you are too, and have some spare change, I highly recommend checking this out). I think the folks at Fat, Ugly or Slutty are completely justified in being appalled at the things that are sent in daily, and I think it’s sad that Anita Sarkeesian was sent death and rape threats because she wanted to make some videos.

I know that this has gone over a lot of peoples’ heads, but Seth MacFarlane is NOT:

  • sexist
  • racist
  • stupid
  • -insert X-ist slur here-
  • the worst Oscar’s host of all time

He’s actually very educated. The beauty of Family Guy, American Dad and the rest are that yes, they appear to (and do) appeal to the lowest common denominator of comedy on the surface – but if you are current on pop culture or worldly issues or history or art, et cetera, there’s a lot of intelligence written in. Not to mention musicals and movies. I am hoping with sincerity that the people who honestly believe he’s sexist have never seen Family Guy, because any viewers know that he makes fun of EVERYTHING.

Additionally, and I’d like to say this in my own words, but: The Advocate did a better job.

One more, small point, directly to the feminists everywhere who’re hating on Seth MacFarlane: do you really not have any more serious things to complain about? Are there no injustices in the world of women that demand more attention than this? And if the answer is no, then you should be happy. You should be fuckin’ rejoicing, throwing a big party.

Seriously, this kind of petty bitching is the reason that the majority of the United States thinks feminism is a joke. Stop making the rest of us look bad just ’cause you’re desperate for attention.

Pandora + Country

It might be a little dorky or silly to say so but honestly, listening to my country Pandora station has been the highlight of several of my days lately. Here are a few of the best songs.

1.) I Won’t Back Down – Johnny Cash
2.) Sugar Foot Rag – Jerry Reed
3.) Thank God I’m A Country Boy – John Denver
4.) Phantom 309 – Red Sovine
5.) Sixteen Tons – Tennessee Ernie Ford

I wish that I could explain what it is about this stuff that fills my soul up full of happiness and stuff but I’m not sure I can. Maybe it’s got an extra kick because I’m in Yankee territory. Or maybe country music just talks about family and stuff and things that are happy and wonderful and that just resonates extra-deep with me cause that’s all I really want.

I dunno.

Enjoy some nice music. We’ve got a long weekend because of snow tomorrow, huzzah! G’night everybody.