Too emotional, too oblivious.

If I even have any solid readers, it’s probably not news to any of you that I’m a hugely sensitive person. And if it is … well, you learn something new every day.

It’s probably also not news that I live in Connecticut and I don’t like it here, and although I’ve moved several times before, I’ve never had as much trouble making friends as I’ve had here.

I wrote a poem about this last year that kind of explained what I theorized was the majority of my take on the situation and where I delegated the BS factors of it all, but today I rediscovered another one and it sucks. And the thing is that by high school, most people already have close-knit friends and don’t really need any more. Even if you treat them like family, you do not come before their best friends. You just can’t edge your way in.

But that’s not really the thing, actually, that’s a specific tangent and I apologize. The thing is that people are completely unaware of the effects of the things they say to people and it can often hurt whether or not they seem to realize it. ._.

So, I realize that I’m a little more emotional than most, but the complete and total lack of consideration for people’s feelings that I get from some people is a reality check for me sometimes, like throwing a baseball at a window. (Accidentally, they all say.) Shards of glass hurt whether they’re intentionally falling or not, though.

Summer came and went.

It’s 10:27 pm and I should be trying to sleep or at least reading because I’m supposed to have read three books this summer for AP English IV, and I’ve read one and haven’t even chosen a third and this is all due by next Friday; and sleeping because tomorrow is my boyfriend’s first day of school and he has to get up ridiculously early to attend with his mom the preparation of the senior breakfast/parade/thing. Lucky, we don’t get a parade.

I’ve totally abandoned this blog over the summer, which I sorely regret. There’ve been a lot of things worth documenting and I haven’t done any of it.

I left for Raleigh on the first of July, the day after the boyfriend’s family returned from the Bahamas. That wasn’t originally our choice date, by the way; that ended up happening because the prices were cheaper for airline tickets. We didn’t do a lot the first couple weeks; we played some games, watched some TV, wrestled around a bit and were lectured about college visits and thoughts and such things. Uncharacteristically of our summers, we did very little cooking or crafting. We did some, sure, but not a whole heck of a lot in comparison to the past couple summers.

So what did we do? We took an unofficial tour of North Carolina State University with the boyfriend’s eldest cousin and an official tour of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte (not even close to each other in date), we swam quite a bit at the general pool and not much at all on the working-week-long beach trip, we stayed up late hours to discuss history and philosophy and several other things besides.

In the last week, I panicked and decided to make crazy quick craft progress. I made a yellow pig log pillow (it is the best thing ever, perhaps there will be a picture in a later post), a popsicle-shaped phone case (ditto on the picture), and a no-sew iron-on senior-themed canvas bag.

We had an airport fiasco in which my first of two flights was so heavily delayed (and confusedly so – first it was delayed, then on time, then early, then delayed again …) that I was sure to miss my connecting flight in Dulles, and so I stayed another night than originally planned and left much earlier in the morning than I’d have liked. The boyfriend and I were allowed to snuggle together (under different covers!!!) in the same bed that night, and it was the best sleep I had the whole summer.

That was on Thursday night and Friday morning. Now it’s Sunday night, the boyfriend starts school tomorrow and I on Thursday. We’ll be seniors in high school and we’re going to start looking at applying for colleges as soon as September starts. We’re looking to apply to all of our schools early so that we improve our chances of getting in.

It’s been a good couple of months … and of course, they felt too short. But believe it or not, I’m feeling pretty okay about it. Confident, I might even say.

 

… Of course, it remains to be seen how long this feeling will last. Good luck to all the other rising seniors out there, and to all the other high school students and college freshmen too.