I am so dependent, I feel like crying. I am so dumb. I’m (trying) to go to bed at nine o’clock. That’s insane.
Which, at least, I know – thanks to awesome websites that track plane statuses. I’m surprised, you know – even in New York, you can snag some free Wi-Fi from unsuspecting patrons of charity but I guess on Paradise Island they have a better grip on what little they can get their hands on. Fair enough, I suppose.
Today, I have:
- Watched more than half of the first season of Mad Men on Netflix.
- Did the mountain of dishes in the sink into the washing machine.
- Attacked a brownie pan we’ve been nonchalantly ignoring.
- Cleaned the stove top.
- Cleaned the toilet. (Not together!)
- Took out every bag of trash in the house – except for the main one, because I took it out two days ago and it’s not even halfway full.
- Dragged the trash can up to the curb.
- Put away some school- and winter-related things in my room (yeah, I’m disorganized and a little behind).
- Texted “friends” sadly and, you know, got nothing.am.
- Walked around the house about sixteen times back and forth and around, moping.
Anxiety is a gross, disgusting thing. But I’ve done all that and he’s only left this morning. He doesn’t come back until Sunday; what exactly am I supposed to do with myself? I don’t have a lot of motivation, really – the only reason I did any housework was to keep myself busy and to calm the stomach. Honestly, the mental turmoil and the physical, literal sickness are both pretty bad if I let them steam.
God, at the rate I’m going, I’m almost missing school already. What am I supposed to do with all this time!
How is everyone else’s summer going?
What a wild ride it’s been this year.
Last year, my guidance counselor told us that junior year was the most important. That’s when, colleges say, you are at your most mature – you are aware of the way high school works and how to act and that you need to be working and not slacking, and you’re not tainted by senioritis yet, et cetera. They get a feel for you.
This year sums me up pretty well, I think. I took Creative Writing, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life, and had three (so far) opportunities to share my writing in front of an audience. I skipped out on history, which was nice. I ran my best mile of my high school career (and can’t we just skip out on gym next year, too?) and I participated in the school newspaper for the entire year. Today, in fact, I earned a promotion for the newspaper for next year, a title I’m ecstatic to have. I also took Sociology this year, which was a fun and interesting course.
I took the AP Psychology and English Language & Composition exams in May, and I felt pretty confident in both of them. I liked all the essays I wrote for English and I very much felt the benefits from all the studying I did for Psychology, which was rewarding.
On the other hand, I’ve had a bit of a battle with depression and anxiety and an (squeamish men skip over the next few words) ovarian cyst, which was really shitty to deal with but eventually went away on its own. Anxiety used to only occur during air-travel time, but it’s been getting worse the past year – although not really bad enough that it deserves treatment, only that it’s been more noticeable that I have such a problem. (Also, if you’d like to read a poem I wrote about airline anxiety, click here!) Depression has … fluctuated. Nothing unmanageable, though.
I’ve been thinking about colleges, too – and while I was looking at prestigious schools like RIT and USC for awhile, I’ve come to the basic conclusion that there are two places that are good at computer science where I would be happy: University of Texas at Austin and North Carolina State University. Texas, of course, will be my priority; but it would be nice to be in North Carolina for awhile, too.
Speaking of college, another noteworthy thing is that I’ve asked for my letters of recommendation … I have requested three and I might still need another one, because certain computer science things require one from a math or science teacher; which, of course, usually don’t hold me in the highest favors. Darn! The three I’ve asked for are from my AP English Language & Composition teacher, my Creative Writing teacher, and a teacher I had freshman and sophomore year, first for World History and then for Geography & Culture of Latin America and Africa.
Which brings me to – because of my request for letters of recommendation (which according to the schools I want to attend, I might not even need … sigh), I wrote my first resume. It looks pretty awesome, but it’s also fairly brief. It includes the Skyrim mod I made, plus how I taught myself HTML via W3 schools … and a bunch of other odd things.
The summer is quickly approaching, and so are my plans for it. I’m leaving for North Carolina on July 1st and I am counting down the days and making lists of things I want to do. Swim and cook and bake and play games and a million more. As for now, though, I’m worn out. I apologize for the lack of writing lately and sincerely hope to write more in the summer, just as I did with the birth of this blog.