In A Perfect World

I’d have parents who planned me, who today cared about my ambitions and my activities and the things I do.

I’d have a dad who today, despite the mileage, would make an effort to talk to me; who today, despite the political opinion disparity, discussed something else with me; who wasn’t a lazy fuck and who would want to spend time with me, instead of claiming to want to see me and to play single-player games the entire visit and claim to get their feelings hurt when I want to hang out with Grandma instead.

I’d have a mom who could put away her temporary boyfriend to see the value not only in me but in herself; who could differentiate the person who made her mad and me, and subsequently correctly channel those otherwise normal and natural feelings; who could have a similar temperament day-to-day, and not scare me into walking on glass each day and hoping for luck that I won’t upset her.

I’d be able to learn to drive and not pay $425, while my boyfriend got driver’s ed for free; I’d be able to make friends and not feel alone in Connecticut; I’d be unafraid to talk to people, in groups or individuals; I’d be better at managing my time; I’d not feel like a waste of air for not being anywhere near as high up in the class as some of my peers who treat me horribly; I’d not feel ashamed to ask my mom for lunch money because of the mini financial crisis we’re having; I’d not have to push myself to run the mile every year of high school for gym and feel breathless (not in a good way); I’d be better at comprehending math; I wouldn’t compare myself to everyone and feel like shit all the time; et cetera.

Kingdom Hearts wouldn’t try to ship its game on nine different platforms; the roleplay on World of Warcraft wouldn’t be limited to veterans who have been doing it for 5-7 years and are completely decked out in awesome, and instead be less intimidating for newcomers; Facebook would pick a decent layout and STICK WITH IT ….

The lists could go on. What would your perfect world be like?


People Are Actually Bitching About The Oscars.





Listen. I consider myself a feminist. I believe in equal pay and all the good politics. I am in favor of video games that 1.) allow you to choose whether you’re a girl or a guy and 2.) video games that feature stronger female characters (and if you are too, and have some spare change, I highly recommend checking this out). I think the folks at Fat, Ugly or Slutty are completely justified in being appalled at the things that are sent in daily, and I think it’s sad that Anita Sarkeesian was sent death and rape threats because she wanted to make some videos.

I know that this has gone over a lot of peoples’ heads, but Seth MacFarlane is NOT:

  • sexist
  • racist
  • stupid
  • -insert X-ist slur here-
  • the worst Oscar’s host of all time

He’s actually very educated. The beauty of Family Guy, American Dad and the rest are that yes, they appear to (and do) appeal to the lowest common denominator of comedy on the surface – but if you are current on pop culture or worldly issues or history or art, et cetera, there’s a lot of intelligence written in. Not to mention musicals and movies. I am hoping with sincerity that the people who honestly believe he’s sexist have never seen Family Guy, because any viewers know that he makes fun of EVERYTHING.

Additionally, and I’d like to say this in my own words, but: The Advocate did a better job.

One more, small point, directly to the feminists everywhere who’re hating on Seth MacFarlane: do you really not have any more serious things to complain about? Are there no injustices in the world of women that demand more attention than this? And if the answer is no, then you should be happy. You should be fuckin’ rejoicing, throwing a big party.

Seriously, this kind of petty bitching is the reason that the majority of the United States thinks feminism is a joke. Stop making the rest of us look bad just ’cause you’re desperate for attention.