First day of junior year & a little more ranting.

Today was my first day of junior year, as the title suggests. My class lineup (for A days) is as follows:

  • AP Psychology
  • Algebra II
  • Creative Writing
  • Chemistry

Psychology was all right, mostly because I knew the teacher ahead of time and he’s a pretty funny guy. There are only two people in the class who I know at all and neither of them are really friendly to me. The rest are mostly seniors.

Algebra went okay. I have two friends in there from the couple years I’ve been locked away in Connecticut. I don’t know the teacher very well but she seems nice, and we have another student teacher this year just like freshman year and Algebra I. Unlike the freshman student teacher, though, this lady seems very reserved and meek.  I don’t know how helpful she’ll actually be to the class or if she’s open enough to be a teacher.

Creative writing was a wonderful course and I’m already so glad I took it. The teacher is an absolute delight and wickedly funny. Plus the fact we’ll be writing so much is just a great, great thing all by itself. Unfortunately, probably half of this class is full of kids who are seniors and only in the class for the credit. That’s worrisome to me, but I doubt it’ll affect me very much in this kind of class.

And finally chemistry, which I’m a little apprehensive about because the sciences have given me some trouble in the past years. I’m still in all accelerated courses (excluding the AP Psych and English which I have tomorrow) so it’s not a LOT of trouble, but I’m still worried mildly about it. The teacher seems nice, however, so that’s always a plus. She seems slightly reserved as well but has a chipper sense of humor.

I’m a little worried about tomorrow still, because there are four more new classes. (Rather, three – one is a study hall for the first semester and I’ll probably be resuming my job in the library during that time. Still, though, there’s a new library media specialist this year and that’s unfortunate.) But at least we have a three day weekend, so it’s kind of easing into the school year.

Now … for a little rant. You all know my mother from the previous post. She was a little less ridiculous and angry and shit tonight (rather, much less angry) but she still cares more about her Twitter personality and friends in other countries than her daughter. Granted I have been away for two months, but I still feel like she’s being a shit mom and it really sucks to feel like I don’t matter.

Oh well. Anyway, I’m going to relax for awhile before bed. Last night I had a hard time going to sleep (not falling asleep until a while after midnight) but fortunately I don’t think that’ll be a problem tonight.

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Need to vent.

Maybe my mother is right and I’m some unappreciative bitch but whatever, I need to vent and I have no friends so here I am. If you’re gonna be like everyone else and tell me I don’t get to do that, fuck off, you’re on my blog.

I spent almost all of the summer away from home, first visiting my dad in New Orleans and then visiting both friends and family in North Carolina. I’ve been home less than two and a half fucking days after tweeting my mother about how upset she is and how mean all of her friends on Twitter are being when they aren’t and how much she misses me. And already she’s pissed off at me for absolutely no god damn motherfucking reason.

She wants me to watch the stupid opening ceremonies for the Olympics which I could absolutely not care less about because I’ve seen the majority of them already (or more than I care to, anyway) and simply don’t care about whatever was in them.

I was listening to music and asked her if I could finish the song and she said okay, went to the bathroom and came back. There was a slow part in the song where it slowed down and picked back up and she freaked the fuck out and said “Why are you being so mean to me” “I just want to watch this” etc etc etc.

Earlier she was having random spasms of being okay and grumpiness and monotone voices and every time the latter happened I would ask her what’s wrong, what happened, etc. She didn’t answer and would get pissy with me for continuing so I would stop. And eventually I told her, you know, stop thinking that I don’t care about you because you have your periods of time where you freak out over nothing and tell me that I don’t care about you and that I’m so selfish when I’m NOT and I DO care about you. And she said I know, I know, blah blah blah. And then she goes and does this anyway.

I had a feeling today would be shitty, just like Kenny had a feeling yesterday would be good. And it was, which is fucking great because this would be even worse if yesterday had been awful too.

But seriously? I did nothing. In fact, I did less than nothing, because all day I’ve been trying to cheer her up.

When she freaked out I closed the song because she was so pissy and started watching the ceremony crap and told me to look at something while I was typing something to Kenny and I looked up, not saying anything because she was still speaking. And again. She flipped the hell out and said “I just thought this was cool and you might like it”  and attacking me for not letting her do anything she wants to do.

Even though we’ve watched soccer all day long because she likes it and I haven’t been watching TV all day.

And then she goes outside periodically (often) throughout the day because she smokes outside and does that a lot. And I’ll go outside with her because she wants to talk to me which we don’t really do when we’re both doing our thing on the computer.

And then she’ll just sit on her goddamn iPhone 4 or whatever that her work paid for that’s top of the notch and everything and read Twitter.

When she asked me to go outside with her.

 

And I just got back from Kenny’s house, Kenny who has a younger and older sister and both a mother and a father who love him and whose parents don’t waste their money on drinking and cigarettes and who does shit with their family and who all have bedrooms and shit. And it’s like why the hell can’t I have a family like that? What the hell have I done that means I have to have a life like this? Why can’t I have normal parents?

Or even be a normal person myself for that fucking matter. My anxiety was even worse when I was leaving North Carolina this time. I vomited four days before leaving and had recurring stomach pain every night until I left and vomited five times the night before and morning of my departure which is record high. That’s too much information for strangers but I don’t give a damn because I need someone to vent to and have no goddamn friends to talk to.

Not to mention that, even! I have to go to school next Thursday as a junior and have a whole new fucking set of problems to deal with. Wonderful! I’m so motherfucking excited for my new school year to just go SO FABULOUSLY!

 

Needless to say it’s a bad night. I hope y’alls is going better.

Summertime!

So it’s August 2nd and I am terribly behind on my blogging, I know. I’d like to tell you I don’t know how it happened except I know exactly how it happened!

After school let out I spent a week with my dad and grandmother in Louisiana. I saw Bourbon Street among others and …well, Bourbon Street doesn’t have much for a teenager, I’ll tell you that much. I have some pictures but they were for this scrapbook I /intended/ to make … but I never got a camera when I got here and thus, no pictures have been taken. :/ When I get the photos developed I’ll probably get a CD version and double prints, for my folks in New Orleans. 

Since then, I’ve been in Raleigh. It’s terrific. I’ve visited both Atlantic Beach and the Asheville mountains. Have I ever mentioned that North Carolina is a gorgeous state? I wish I had pictures of all these things … and I do, a bit, on my phone – of the mountains, anyway. 

Regarding summer homework.. I had a terrific weekend a few weekends ago where I knocked out the majority of my psychology assignment. I finished In Cold Blood at my dad’s house, but I’m at a loss on the paper and emailed my teacher for some panicked advice. He responded wonderfully, although he was on vacation at the time and I’m awaiting response on Monday. 

Additionally I need to read a nonfiction book of my own interest and write a book report on it, which I might need to investigate soon as I’m already panicking on the analysis of In Cold Blood. So … we’ll see what goes on there. 

Between now and the time I leave for home I’m attending a wedding of a babysitter the Jones kids used to hire often and visiting my grandpa for a week while the Jones and their cousins the Weisses visit Atlantic Beach again … lucky. In addition to that? Who knows? It’s been a great summer for the majority and I’m happy about it. 

More to come, for sure.