Direction

Two things on the blogging agenda today.

  1. Addressing my feelings on growing up, maturity, and getting a sense of direction.
  2. An apology for my lack of ability to blog without having a vacation.

Being on vacation gives me a lot of thinking time since I’m not as well disciplined as I’d like to be and complete my work. Adding to that new-found thinking time is the fact that I have a real hard time getting to sleep. But my inactivity is not a topic of discussion today … so let’s get to the meat and potatoes.

Over the past few months, I’ve been heading in a very positive direction with my life. I’ve been getting all of my homework completed on time (mind you, this is during school and not over vacation time) and been raising my grades steadily. I’ve been working in the library during my study halls and have over 30 volunteer hours. If I get to 50 hours by the end of the year, it’s a half credit I’ve earned. Furthermore, over the summer, I plan to take a college course version of Algebra II so that when I return in August/September of 2012 for junior year I’ll be taking Pre-Calculus alongside my boyfriend – as I was meant to. (Because of my move in February of 2010, my Algebra I course during 8th grade was disturbed greatly and I had to retake it freshman year instead of progressing to geometry.) Additionally, I’m taking two AP classes next year. One is in English and the other is Psychology.

In other words, I’ve gone from a freshman who barely does any homework and spends all her time playing games, reading things on the Internet or watching television to a sophomore who’s planning for college a year early and investing almost all of her time into work and planning and work and planning. It’s happened subtly but feels like a huge change – a huge improvement, for me.

Already, I have two careers I plan on going into. Psychology and Game Design are my interests. Since I work in the library voluntarily during my study halls I’ve been using them for reading books about my interests and it’s been a really fun experience, but at the same time it makes me question myself. Many of the best people in the video game industry have been in the industry since it originated in the 1980s or shortly thereafter. Nearly all of them made games of some sort when they were younger.

It’s pretty much now or never, I feel. Did any of you get enlisted in things when you were younger – piano lessons, ballet, sports of some kind or another – and resent the hell outta your parents for it? Do you ever appreciate it later on? What if you are on your own for taking initiative for these things?

And it’s not so easy as piano lessons or taking ballet. Where does someone go for education on video games? I’ve scoured the Internet for some internships or part-time jobs but I haven’t found anything in Connecticut – and everything I HAVE found requests “prior experience.” How do you go about getting experience from something if you have nobody to teach you?! Where do you even begin?

All of that said – I feel comfortable just knowing that I have direction. That I know what I want to go into ideally and that my two biggest focuses may even integrate. I already have two colleges picked out that I especially wanna go to and am incredibly excited for the future.

I think the problem a lot of kids have is uncertainty. They don’t know what they want to do, what they might be good at, and because of it they act like they don’t care. It’s not necessarily that they don’t care but that they have no idea what they’re doing and don’t want to fail, don’t want to face themselves with their own rejection.

That is to say, SOME people face that kind of a problem. The majority of kids in my school just honestly don’t care. They skip class, start trouble for no reason. The kids that I described above are hard to differentiate because they hang out with the stupid kids, the kids that purposely create trouble and get suspended and act stupid in class, but they aren’t themselves very dumb. They actually do show some effort, though often minimal.

But now my topic’s gone completely off the blogosphere.

So my other thing was my inability to blog, which I kind-of sort-of explained already above.

Basically, with these positive differences, a lot of my time has been gnawed at by homework, reading about possible professions, research for projects and spending time with my boyfriend and mother. My mom and I have gone through some tough times lately, but at the same time I think they’ve brought us closer together and I am grateful for that positive effect.

So that’s the summary of it, really. Busy times. The seasons are changing. Spring is coming … sort of. ‘Spring’ in Connecticut is some freaky hybrid of winter and summer instead of being its independent season; days up to 90 degrees, nights down to 30. It’s so odd. But lots of running back and forth and homework and writing and doing all sorts of things.

Can’t make any promises about the frequency I write with, because things have just been so irregular lately. But luckily, because I’m so on track of things lately, I expect it to become easier. We’ll see once school starts again. 🙂 See you all another day.

Independence and Dependence

It is a known fact that I am not a religious person. If you didn’t know before, well … now you do.

Today is Easter and as a non-religious person, there are only two things that I really truly think about on this Sunday. Celebration of life in general, and chocolate. 😀

No, but in all seriousness … a Facebook group I belong to today asked what we celebrated and thought about on this day and I posted honestly.


But seriously, in the past year or so I’ve become a much brighter and more optimistic person even though I’ve ironically been in a much darker place than I have for much of my life. It is amazing the difference a little bit of thinking can do when you allow your mind to be open and hopeful rather than dwelling on your problems; despite how difficult it is to do. The payoff is worth it.

I was the first person to comment, and  two other people followed after me. Both they and the person who asked the question involved God in their statements.

Now, I know I’m biased for not being religious at all … but does it say nothing to anyone that my answer spoke of pride in myself for growing personally, and the others  spoke of gratitude for their God for “things they couldn’t possess the strength to do themselves?”

It just makes me sad. I could rant a lot about religion, organized and otherwise, but really it feels like more of a tool of controlling people than the political messages people spam my Facebook feed with all day long, all week long, forever. I understand having your beliefs and faith and all that poppycock (in my opinion … it’s my blog, if THAT offends then you should leave before hate-commenting spam) but really, human beings are so amazing. The mind, the emotions that entrance us to do all of the things we do … Why do so few people have confidence and pride in the things they have achieved? You should celebrate your personal accomplishments. I feel like it’s personal belittlement to thank a “higher power” for the things you have been able to pull through a tough situation and do for yourself.

But I guess therein lies the differences of the religious and the nonreligious.