Terror and Fear

Last night something awful happened.

My love is in the hospital… and I do not know when he’s getting out.

I’m not posting details because I think that’s an invasion of privacy. Still, I can write about the feelings of shock and fear and agony in the body.

I’m sure I’m far from the only one that’s been there. You are trying not to cry. And you get this lump in your throat? Except the lump is like a big, huge rock, jagged edges from years of eroding and natural causes shrinking and changing and morphing it. You don’t know why you refuse to cry but you do and it hurts.

Then there’s me and my personal problem that I dunno if anyone else has. But I get sick real easy. Queasy and nervous and anxious. I threw up four times last night. Never a lot of anything. Felt like acid. I wonder if blood’s acidic, or if you throw up stomach acid if there’s nothing in your stomach.

Eating has been hard today, but I’ve managed to do a few things.

He was able to talk to me for a large portion of the morning and early afternoon, but then he got transferred to another room and his phone was confiscated. I’m scared.

I feel sick. I probably deserve it. This is my fault.

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