Thinking

You should really only begin to continue reading this post if you’re in the mood to think. And I don’t mean that so obviously as you might immediately guess. Of course we’re always thinking, that voice of yours is always inside of your head and conveying what your opinion is or what you’re reading, etcetera.

But I mean to think on a deeper level, to think about memories and things that have happened in your life that make you who you are today, even if they seemed small and insignificant at the time.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about life and memories of wonderful and terrible things that have happened during my years of life. And it’s been an amazing thing, except for all of the headaches. Thinking – truly engaging yourself in thinking about things – can be an incredibly mentally excruciating thing, and if you think I’m crazy now I’ll prove it later if you read long enough.

The most intriguing thing about this thinking I’ve been doing is that I haven’t even been made very happy or very sad by it, there’s been no real change in my mood. I suppose solemnity if that’s a mood, really. But I can think about things that should make me bawl my eyes out or rip someone else’s eyes out and I’m just very calm, very composed.

So to begin, let’s get a little bit personal and share some of the memories I’ve been collecting over and over for the past few days.

The first I’m going to share is a very classic memory that most people never forget, whether it was good, bad, fantastic, or terrible. It was a memory that for a long time I would have liked to forget, because its conditions were not very ideal nor was the person with whom it was inevitably shared. It is the memory of my first kiss, ever.

I was in fifth grade. My hair was still a light brunette, and I had my favorite purple frames that outlasted any others I’ve ever worn. My hair was about to my shoulders, the way I wore it for the majority of my life. His name was Seth. He was tanner than I was, but so was most everyone in existence. I’m fairly pale and proud of that. He had golden brown hair and a birthmark on his neck that everyone always called a hickey. He had brown eyes that would look around at everything but you when he was nervous. He was my age but in fourth grade. We were at a store called Central Market that I’ve talked about before on this blog. The lovely Burger and Bock event during which local bands play and delicious food is served outside. The air was pleasant and perfect: not hot, not cold. It smelled of the delicious fries and burgers and of alcohol that people drank while they happily enjoyed the free music. It was later, though, around 7 or 8 and getting darker. Around half an hour to an hour was left before my would’ve-been stepfather was to pick us up and bring us to our respective homes. We were sitting outside, but not near the tables in front of the stage: there was a hill that took you to beautiful stairs and a sewer that many people threw trash into. The hill was a common meeting place for all of my friends that gathered at the Central Market concerts because it was away from the parents, and although skateboarding was not permitted it was a rule seldom followed by any of them. So common of a place, this hill, that we indeed did refer to it as “the hill” when talking about meeting up as we so very often did. We were sitting on the high-side before the railing began so that we could sit without our feet touching the ground when he told me he was going to get a Jones and asked if I wanted one. I said sure, I love the cream soda. And so I sat listening to my iPod while he went off into the store. Minutes passed, they felt long. The environment was lightly tinted blue from the sinking sun that refused to let it grow really dark. I laid back on the pavement and stared up at the sky as I waited for him to return. Tuning out the noises of the concert-goers and otherwise people visiting the store, I didn’t even realize that he was coming back and he surprised me. I sat up and he’d put the sodas in their glass bottles on the concrete already and had his hands held behind his back. Without a word, he brought a rose in front of him to me. I smiled and hugged him. It was a sweet gesture but I didn’t understand it. We drank our sodas and didn’t even talk about it until it got a little darker and stood up and held hands to the staircase. We sat on the third step from the top. He looked into my eyes hopefully. But I told him, “I thought you didn’t want a girlfriend.” And he didn’t. And I didn’t want to get involved with anything like this if he didn’t even want a girlfriend. I was going to tell him that … but there was no chance to do so. Gently, but determinedly, he closed in on me and kissed my lips. It lasted a few moments before he pulled away and smiled.

I can’t remember what was said or what really happened after that because I was in fifth grade and had just received not only a rose but my first kiss from a boy – a boy that didn’t want to go out with me, but a boy nonetheless. I remember Mike coming to pick us up in his golden truck and he did and took Seth home, and then me. He saw the rose and chuckled to himself but said nothing of it. I told Mom, but I was feeling queasy as hell, probably from drinking two Joneses in one night – or maybe it was anxiety, uncontrollable biological anxiety that I still mildly suffer from and I think I’ve talked about that before. I remember us holding hands in the truck before we got to his house and I remember keeping that rose in a vase on my window sill until it wilted.

Now another memory. Another boyfriend. Another captivating side-note about a lot of my memories is that a lot of them seem to be about boys. Upon first realizing this fact it immediately made me sad, and then I realized I wasn’t sure why. There’s nothing wrong with interacting with guys; having boyfriends, etc. A lot of the events that have happened with the boys in my life have made me the person that I am today, right now. And so, there’s nothing wrong with that.

This memory actually begins with someone else, a girl who lived next door to Mike’s. Her name was Ashlyn. She was immediately my best friend. There are lots of memories I could share, like the time I tried doing dishes and put in so much soap that it made a mountain of bubbles outside of the washer and ran to her house for her help; or the first time I spent the night at her house and some men that were harassing her older brothers called and called and approached the apartment complex and after they woke everyone up there was a gun shot while Ashlyn and I hid in the bathroom … but no, I’m going to tell you about our lovely tradition. This is the biggest reason I stopped going to Central Market as much. Ashlyn and I met as I was on my way to Central Market one day, and she was so sad looking and lonely. I told her I had something to do but we’d hang out more often and we did. And quite soon, each Friday night, she and I were headed off together to a roller rink. Rollerland West (which has a terrible website, I wouldn’t recommend clicking on it unless you plan on actually visiting this place) holds a lot of memories all on its own, with and without Ashlyn and various other people and/or lack thereof. Rollerland is where I learned to skate on inline skates, where I drank my first Monster… and many more. I also met more people there then I did at Central Market or at any other place I spent any of my time as a child. Including school. Yes, I spent that much time at Rollerland and interacting with nearly every person there. But the person I met who I was most fond of was a boy who cannot decide what name he wants to go by. I always knew him as Robi. Yes, Robi, not Robbie or Robby or any other variation. Most others call him Nathaniel; some, Robert. But to me he was always Robi, and Robi never skated. Never. He usually hung out with many of his friends who did skate, and some who didn’t. But then he still hung out with mostly people his own age. And then Ashlyn and I. Except, he fell in love with me. We talked … all the time. Literally. This was in a time when Myspace was still used all the time, and we actually talked on Myspace Instant Messenger. The actual downloadable program, not the god-awful web-integrated version they’ve got now. We dated but I can’t remember how long; there was only one day that we ever spent together. It was his birthday, August 2nd. I can’t remember how old he was turning because the age difference between us was high; he was either in 8th grade or 9th already and I was about to enter sixth; I think. It was an amazing day, hindered only by the fact that we weren’t alone. A friend of his, a girl named Kat, accompanied us. But in that day we saw The Simpsons Movie at the Movie Tavern and then visited the Ridgmar Mall (fantastic mall by the way, good reviews all around for it; they literally have everything you could ever want in a mall) and walked around for ages. And then we went to Kat’s before Robi’s mom came to pick the both of us up and take us to our respective homes. Once we got there Kat left for some reason and I got my second kiss. Ever. It was funny because he was tall and I was short and tiny and we were holding hands and I felt like I had hands of a doll in comparison. Immediately after said kiss happened, regardless of how much I wanted to stay right there on the bottom bunk of that bed, I got sick. I ran to the bathroom. And puked my guts out. Note to posterity: Don’t ever drink Monsters if there’s an opportunity for your nerves to misbehave coming up in the near future. I returned, and laid down, and he rubbed my stomach and held my hands and tried to kiss my cheeks to calm me down. But no. My stomach simply wouldn’t have it. I got sick two more times before we left. Each time he would still kiss my forehead or cheeks and attempt with his best effort to calm me down, despite its clear futility. It was quite sweet, really. Unfortunately, that’s the only time that we ever did anything that was datelike at all. We never even saw each other while we were dating besides that night.

So, I was going to write even more but today’s been a particularly stressful day and now that I’ve been distracted for awhile the content is just completely different and not written in the mannerism that I had hoped.

But I promised to prove it. Here are seven questions about memories to make you think, hard. Think about the time, place, age you were, who you were with, what you smelled, how you felt, any thoughts you may remember having… Any details whatsoever you can remember. Feel free to please share in the comments if you feel like expressing. Even if you don’t care to share, if you like the questions, please tell me and I’ll post some more sporadically.

1.) Your first thunderstorm. 

2.) Your first insane phobia.

3.) The first time you stepped on autumn leaves.

4.) Your first serious boyfriend or girlfriend. 

5.) Your favorite teacher in your years of school.

6.) Your first time using a computer. 

7.) Your first day of high school.

And as a final, almost-afterthought of a note, I’d like to leave you with this. I must forewarn you that it is on a site that could be called ‘questionable’ but I leave you with this because it’s an honest-to-goodness piece of literature. If you don’t mind mature content then you should absolutely, completely, 100% take a look and read that. It’s four pages and a paragraph or so extra, but it’s an absolutely wonderful read that I recommend wholeheartedly.

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Saturday Nine and That Room of Mine

Let’s blog in the reverse order of titling. I kicked my own ass in my room today. I just tore into the messy corner and started throwing stuff away. And throwing it away and throwing it away and THROWING IT THE HELL AWAY! I’ve filled up two trash bags already.

Anyway, now all that’s left in there is the parts of Anthony’s desktop and Mike’s old desktop that he gave to us as well as the bottom shelf of the bookshelf that has most of my mom’s stuff filled with it. I’ve made lots of progress over the past week alone. Quite nice indeed! Too bad I haven’t been taking progress pictures for one huge Tackle it Tuesday post. Ah well. In the end I’ll take a picture. Or even, before; when the computers are moved. Before I start decorating and organizing and things of the like.

Anyway, off to the meme because there’s really no more news I’ve got to share. School keeps on being school-ish.

Saturday Nine

1.) If you could put a spell on someone, who would it be and why?

My history teacher! Too much homework, I can’t handle it. Honestly. Either that or myself so I could successfully have all of the homework done within seconds AND learn all of the material in the meantime. Wouldn’t that be fantastic? That would be a much better one. Mmm. Does that spell exist? Where can I download it?

2.) If you could go back in time and relive one moment, what would it be?

That’s really hard. Maybe a night at Central Market. Maybe the first time I met Kenny on my first trip there. Perhaps the time before I saw Kenny on said trip when Natalie and Deanna and I were playing video games together. I dunno. There are lots.

3.) If you could go back in time and change one thing what would it be?

Another hard question. D: I’d probably talk to Kenny before I moved out of NC… That would’ve made a whole lot of everything a whole lot better. Indeed it would. Lots more happy.

4.) What movie/TV character do you most resemble in personality?

I asked my boyfriend this one and he said Belle from Beauty & the Beast. Not quite sure what that says about himself but I like it all right. I’m all nice and gentle with animals and I like to read. Seems all right enough to me. 😀

5.) If you could push one person off a cliff and get away with it, who would it be? 

Pfff. No one. I am a lovely person. I would never do that. No, no, of course not. The answer is I have no idea. I really don’t think I hate anyone that much although I may very much disagree in certain moments of certain events.

6.) Name one habit you want to change in yourself.

My inability to take care of homework and other pressing matters that need to be done, such as cleaning my room. Of course, some of these things are easier than others. But mostly I just can’t ever work up the effort. It’s quite annoying, really.

7.) Describe yourself in one word.

Individual. It’s cliche, I know, but for God’s sake (and I never use that phrase for obvious reasons if you’ve yet to figure them out) I can’t think of a better one. A lot of people say that I’m all strong and unique and I dunno,  it fits. D: A better one … Texan? 😀

8.) List your top three memes that you like to respond to.

Thursday 13Sunday StealingSunday Seven
As you can tell, I don’t do a lot of memes, if those are my most responded to. ._.; I know, I know. I’m sorry.

9.) Why do you blog? 

Oh, yay, a question I can answer better. I blog because I love it. I’ve always loved being on the internet and surfing around for various things. And often, no one around me would like to see the marvelous things that I find when stumbling or just surfin’ around. So blogging is a great media for communicating when there’s no one around to communicate with, sharing things when there’s no one to share things with, and just in general get things out when there’s no other way to get them out. Eventually, I hope to blog because there’s something I’ve got that I could offer the world … but, I don’t really see that happening anytime soon, unfortunately.

That was terribly frightening. I accidentally hit Ctrl A + backspace and deleted all those words. I was about to cry.  Finally a time where the auto-save on drafts has come in handy. Quite useful, indeed, I must say.

Anyway, so other then that life is going on unusually plainly. My mom is back to watching both normal football and North American football, because us Americans are too moronic to realize how stupid it is to create a game and call it something every other country in the world has already established and named, and give that game a new name. My father’s obsessed with Ron Paul and nothing else, nothing else entailing the job search he’s supposed to be partaking in. Ah well.

People at school are continuing to suck. Nothing new there either. I’ve got two friends in the whole school. One of them is too damn distracted by the BOYS in her life to give a flying fuck about me and the other has an actual life. And thinks most of the things I do are outlandishly wild and dumb, as she makes apparent by the faces she makes when I tell her about them..

The rest of the people, the few of whom seem nice enough to converse with are already in tight cliques of friends and are always lovely and cheerful. The mere idea of talking to them and interrupting their happiness always kind of sickens me. Like literally, I just feel like if I don’t move and get out of the way of their conversations I’m just an awful, out-of-place freak. It’s quite an unhappy feeling, really.

And that really sucks because for some reason everyone seems to think group work is THE way to go in high school. What the fuck. Is that not an incredibly elementary, or even middle school – maybe – thing? I think it’s moronic and obnoxious that we have to do every damn important thing in groups. I hate cooperating with these people. They’re so bossy and just a pain in the ass, really. I wanna do my own damn project, my own damn work.

Nothing else really of importance to talk about. Very bored, very lonely. Very unmotivated. I guess I’ll be loggin’ off now. Sorry if I’ve brought down your day with my unusually high amount of pessimism.

Top Five Stumbles of the Hour

I should seriously be paid a decent sum for the amount of credit I’m about to give this website but I’m not, so, be aware. xD

Anyway, there’s this fantastic website called StumbleUpon. In case you’ve never heard of it, this is its basic definition: A website that will surf the world wide web FOR YOU! based on predetermined interests that you give it. You can choose as many or as few interests as you like and it will give you various websites that pertain to the topics you choose. And while I haven’t used it as much as I should, every once in awhile I’ll stumble upon it (HA HA HA!) and have a strong desire to go stumbling across the internet!

But the point is that I always find wonderful things that I want to save and look at at a later date for whatever reason. So here’s a nice and somewhat short, somewhat lengthy entry about the top ten stumbles I’ve stumbled upon tonight. (I know, I’m awful. I can’t help it. You’ll do it too when you begin using the site.)

1.) Fifty Tools to Improve Your Writing

This is a list of fifty various links (whether they go to this website or various others I don’t know because I’ve only skimmed it) of techniques to improve your writing skill. Being a sophomore in high school it’s a little more important for me to be skilled within writing as high schools want you to do well on writing examinations but regardless, a lot of people find writing therapeutic and so if you would like, here’s a great way to become a better writer! Tips can never hurt!

2.) Water Balloon Luminaries 

This is possibly the best craft I’ve ever found on SU. These are absolutely priceless little candle-holders and they LOOK so beautiful. And they aren’t so hard to make! Absolutely worth the time and effort, minimal as it might be, to make ’em.

3.) Top Ten Psychology Studies of 2010

Now, of course. I am biased as I’m incredibly interested in psychology. HOWEVER GUYS DON’T SKIP THIS ONE BECAUSE YOU AREN’T! This is a list of studies done in 2010 that are helpful to your daily life! I only looked at the first five and all of them could help me out in daily life and I know I’m not the only one who that is true of.

4.) Five Lessons on How to Treat People 

When I first read the title I’m like, “Are you automatically assuming that I treat people badly? D:” but then I began reading. It was very heartwarming, in fact, all of the stories this author shared. A very nice read if you’re up for that kind of thing.

5.) Nine Websites to Satisfy All Your Research Paper Needs

This one is pretty self-explanatory. It gives a beautiful list of online resources for those of you who need help for your research papers. With lovely advice as well!

I was aiming to write ten but I lost track of time and the whole “of the hour” thing is actually bullshit, I started writing this awhile ago and totally.. ditched it.. xD For various reasons. So I hope y’all go out and enjoy StumbleUpon because it really is a great website and tool to kill off boredom.

Today was a real rollercoaster of a day. Psychology I loved as usual. Spanish went horribly which was a shock for me. Skipped Choir for exchange of going to guidance. Bad day there. Then biology which went all right. But I’ve just kind of been sad overall today. When I came home Mom and I talked for a long time which was really nice, we haven’t really had something like we had today… ever. It was beautiful, really. We talked about our relationship and how we don’t always get along the best and we talked about college and money and a million handfuls of things. Truly, one of the best memories I’ve got with my mom for a long time.

Anyway, I’m really tired, it’s 10:09 p.m. and suddenly out of nowhere I got an awful headache and stomach ache to match with it. What a beating. Sleep well everybody, I hope you’re enjoying the new and random frequency with which I post! 😛

Procrastination: Do It Royally

Here is The Queen’s Meme, brought to you by the lovely Daily Meme as always.

1.) What is your favorite fall memory?

I can’t recall a specific date, but autumn was a wonderful time in Texas. Most days of the week, after school, I would walk around my neighborhood or bike up and down the hilly streets. It was also near the end of Central Market‘s Burgers and Bock event, during which food (mostly burgers and fries, but there’s more!) is served and music is played live outside of the store. A wonderful thing to check out if you’re in Fort Worth or any other Texan locations.

2.) Have you ever fallen in love in the fall?

It’s hard to say if you could call it falling in love, but my second serious boyfriend was in sixth grade. I knew I liked him from the day I saw him. He was gorgeous with pale skin and dark hair and dark eyes. And the most delightfully happy smile you’ve ever seen. I remember, since it was sixth grade my elementary bus had been my bus stop. So I stopped by the elementary that morning and bought a small notebook for a quarter or two and constructed a survey of sorts that went across a few pages asking various questions from what your favorite color was, to who your favorite musical artist was, until the last question: Who do you like? I filled every line with a number and the idea was to correspond your answers with the number you picked. And that, my dear lovelies, is how I got a boyfriend in sixth grade. Successfully! It was amazing as hell! I still barely believe it.

3.) Do you like the current DSS when we “fall back” the clock?

Sure! I love the cooler nights. I don’t have much of a story for this… nor do I completely understand the question. As opposed to summer schedule I suppose. Although, I don’t have a real opinion on that either. These things just happen.

4.) Tell us a thing or two you’ve done by a crackling fire.

I’ve only done two things by a crackling fire and unfortunately they’re fairly similar although, surprisingly, at different times. The first was at a summer camp where I made some sort of food that was so long ago, I don’t even remember what it was. The other time was when my mom and step-dad and I went out to a lake in Texas. We made s’mores over the fire. That was really fun.. the only time I’ve ever made s’mores, though. 😦

5.) Have you ever been apple picking?

No, no I have not. Although that seems to be a huge thing up here in Connecticut whereas I didn’t hear about it so much in Texas. I wonder why that is? Does Connecticut really have that many more apples? Very interesting how that works.

6.) Do you like to take a walk and play in the fallen leaves?

Of course I do! Especially because I have to walk home from school. So I often have no choice, really. 😛 But I like kicking the leaves up and hearing them crinkle and crack in the wind and under my footsteps. I’m not sure which I like better, though: the crinkle and crankle of the autumn leaves as you walk, or the feel and pitter patter of walking through fresh snow.

7.) Do you and your family have a special fall tradition in your house?

Yes! My mother and I always spend Thanksgiving together. Regardless of who I live with or where I am. We always spend it together and enjoy a delicious feast of deliciousness. This year, I’ll be helping her by making cupcakes and perhaps some bread if I feel up to the brand-new challenge.

So, other than that I’m procrastinating from some psychology bookwork I’ve got for homework as well as reviewing for both Spanish and Modern American History. History, if I’ve not mentioned, is a pain in the ass. We had our first quiz last Friday and I got a 25 out of 50 points. ._. To be fair she stressed very much that it didn’t matter because as we got into the course of the year we’d have daily quizzes and that even if you bomb them you’ll still do all right in the class and not fail for the year. Which is surprising as hell, but I’m not complaining, no sir.

The floor was done and shiny and bright when I got home this morning and I couldn’t have been more amazed. It looks so nice and smells like fresh wood which is beautiful. The room is cleaner because they did a lot of cleanup since they did, indeed, replace the entire floor. And it also LOOKS much bigger due to the brighter color of the wood. It makes me happy to even be in the room. When I got home and stopped blabbing about it to my mom I went outside and swept the dirt off the brand new wood that I’d unintentionally dragged in since it’s been raining all day and I even wiped down an antique table Mom and I bought at the Antique Mall in Texas. There are still two dead spiders on there I refuse to touch, but it looks much nicer than it did.

Furthermore, my mom has a few clementine boxes because she keeps them as she can’t bare to throw away perfectly nice boxes. So I figured yesterday that maybe once she’s one with the one she’s currently got I could ask my school’s ‘shop teacher, who already loves me from last year, if he could help me make a bookshelf out of them. I could even paint them there at the school. How awesome would that be? 🙂

Now I really need to get some stuff done, so I’m going to let this sit and be proud that within two days I’ve written two entries. Awesome points for the Veronica!

Hasta luego!

Music and More on Mondays

I’ve got all my homework done, for the most part. How great am I?
I’ve been meaning to write but every time I begin, I get terribly distracted. I’ve been real stressed out lately working on getting homework done and it’s so much harder than it ought to be.

My Spanish teacher is the greatest lady in the world though. Her name is Mrs. Nickeson and she’s introduced me to lots of music in just the few classes I’ve had with her, whether it be directly or indirectly. But first, a little bit more about her. She is Irish. And speaks it and CHINESE. AND Spanish, as she’s a teacher of it. How badass is that? She’s very quirky, she can’t stand still in class and it’s awesome. She really likes her job and socializing with us all.

The real band she’s introduced us to is called Maná. She said they were a lot like the Mexican version of the US’ Grateful Dead, haha. The song she’s played for us most often is Rayando el sol. According to Google, that means “Bordering the Sun.” It’s a lovely song and the few times my mom’s heard it she’s said it reminds her of the band Sting more than the Grateful Dead. Either way, it’s a very lovely and slow song. Peaceful. My favorite line is, “Es más fácil llegar al sol que a tu corazón.” which means, “It’s easier to reach the sun than it is your heart.” … Okay, so maybe I’m lame.

Beyond that I’ve been doing my own research on Youtube for other songs by the band. There are two that I’ve liked very much and listened to repeatedly; specifically, Amor Clandestino and Lluvia Al Corazon.

They’re a really lovely band and you should certainly give them a listen if you’re into Spanish music or soft and sweet, slow, rainy day music.

Nothing much else is up in the ever-so-eventful life of the me. I’ve been working really hard on my Spanish since it’s one of the few subjects that really interests me. The other would be Psychology but there really isn’t very much work for that class. It’s mostly discussions and then we took a test today on introductory things. I am fairly sure I nailed it although Broderick felt so sure that he caught us up to get confused and make mistakes. I’ve always been good at taking tests, though.. a skill that will unfortunately not outlive my career as a student.

I made lotion a week ago or something with some of the beeswax I got. Beeswax, by the way, is something awful to work with. It’s very strong. No one within the myriad of blogs I looked at involving bath products and beeswax mentioned how tough beeswax is. Getting a usable chunk off was hard enough for the 1-lb brick I bought; much less grating what was then forcibly cranked off the block. I’ve yet to actually use the lotion… I have little to no faith in it due to the ridiculousity of the beeswax and its rather unlotiony appearance. It smells good, though. C: Maybe I’ll put it in another container and use it to scent my room instead of candles. That should last awhile.

Yesterday evening, when I repeatedly failed at the seemingly immeasurable task of writing here, I resigned to my mess of a room and began cleaning. I unpacked my suitcase completely from the August trip in North Carolina (can you believe I hadn’t done that yet?) and hung up all the clothes. Then I took all the clothes out that I don’t wear anymore and put them in a box for the used clothing drive my choral program is donating to. I rearranged some of the boxes and bins that are being used to clear out the room so that there was more floor space in general and then I vacuumed. Truth be told, the room looks a lot better. The biggest remaining problem is the left-far corner when you walk into the room which has several pieces of technological things with disturbingly tangled cords and cables. The old CPU and desktop that Mom and I had at Mike’s house is in there along with Anthony’s, my mom’s old boyfriend’s stuff. There’s a scanner (or perhaps a printer, it’s too dirty and dusty for me to observer very closely) in another section of the room, keeping a spare box closed as it refuses to stay shut on its own. Then there’s also the bottom shelf of the bookshelf which is flooded with too many a thing for me to really want to investigate myself, one of them being one of my old best friend’s Purple Cow plush that she obtained from her mother who worked at, you guessed it, a Purple Cow restaurant. Going in and looking again, really.. there’s a lot of floor space now, it looks much better than it has in the past month alone. Mom and I have done two serious clean-ups, the first with the both of us and the second being my own last night. One more real big push and we can clear the damn thing.. so long as we have storage enough to deal with it. Once we can, we’re getting me a loft bed to put in there with a desk and all. And then we can decorate it and it’ll be lovely.

Mom made the blinds fall off one of the two windows in there during the summer and I’ve gotta put ’em back up when I can so I can hang up the curtains and make it feel more like a personal room. When I first moved here in February 2010 she bought me striped curtains that are pretty, bright colors. It’d be nice to have something personal like that in there and actually up and not in the right-hand corner of the door when ya walk in, still in the packaging. Ideally, that room will become lovely before I have to leave. Life on the couch is not great. Sharing the television with Mom when sport seasons start… which is all the time now, being that she enjoys North American football as well as what the rest of the world actually calls football.

In addition to that, our porch/front outside room thing, whatever you wanna call it.. The place where the front door is but not the living room. It’s a room all of its own, and the front step was rotting. So our landlady’s husband came over and brought a couple of guys to fix it. And it’s so loud. They’re ripping up a lot of wood and it’s a terrible noisy wreck. But what has me most worried is that now they’ve got up all the wood from X over to the wall, they’ve stopped working. No one’s out there now but our front door was left wide open. Great, right? Where did the workers go? Very frustrating, aye.. Ah well.

The only thing I’ve got left to talk about that I can think of is Pokemon and I’m really not in the mood simply because I’m tired due to school and you know, writing this, the longest blog entry I’ve yet to date. Which is great, don’t get me wrong. It’s also to be expected since it’s been so long since I’ve gotten a lot out. Blogging is a great release, by the way. I wish I kept up with it more for the simple and pure reasoning of, it helps me deal with all the stress I’ve got built up. Even if I never did anything public and kept the blog to myself I’d update it because it’s a good way to vent and not care if anyone is listening or reciprocating.

Anyway, I’ve really been blabbering on enough now and not even with a meme today. Very sorry. I think I’m going to either investigate where the workers went or attempt to chisel in a little more work into my bedroom, because lawrdy knows it needs every bit of help it can get. Au revoir!

I Want.. Wednesdays + A General Report

So, I know. I suck. I really do. I’m a terrible blogger within the school year and I really apologize. The good side of this is that I am actually getting all of my homework done which is a brand new thing to me. Usually I have a study hall to achieve the better portion of it, but this year I don’t have a single study hall until the second semester, after Psychology and gym end and Geography & Cultures of Latin America and Africa (what a long class title) begins. Which sucks.

I’m still putting my best foot forward at attempting to maintain this blog but clearly it has lost all regularity. I’m super tired most of the time because I’m in gym,  which I’m pulling off (stronger!) but am incredibly tired afterwards and I’m still insanely out of shape. I salute and love and would totally glomp all of you continued readers who still faithfully come back and check for updates despite my mess of a schedule.

So, like, my optimistic mood is completely fucked up now because a girl I used to know hates me for, like, literally no reason and thinks I’m a c-word which I really hate that word, guys, sorry if you think I’m a pussy, I don’t mind any other word but that. But anyway, yeah, she hates me completely and it’s really taking a toll on me because we’ve literally been friends since first grade. But whatever, I’m going to try to keep writing because I’ve been disappointingly absent.

I suppose I’ll just go straight into the meme. There’s a question, but because before literally a week ago the last update was in October 2010 I’m just going to do it however I want and that is with a little bullet list of stuff I want. The name of the game is “I Want… Wednesday” which, as always, I found from the lovely and ever-helpful The Daily Meme. So.. Here we go.

  • More free time. This one can’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s been keeping up with this blog as my posts went from every day to every few days to no regular schedule whatsoever, for which I again profusely apologize.
  • Lots and lots of mason jars. I don’t know where people get all these goddamn mason jars from, but I really want as many as everyone else seems to have so that I can do lots of lovely crafts and packaging for bath products and whatnot.
  • A better work ethic. I know when I need to do my homework but it’s a straining chore for me to get up and get it and then to actually do it. It sucks. I wish it was just effortless and simple as it is for everyone else.
  • More time to do my hair. I have a new haircut and if I feel a little less terrible when I’m done writing this I may post a picture of it. It’s very short, and I like it. A huge transition from what I normally have. But I still need to straighten it for it to look good, which I just never have the time or desire to make myself do.
  • More friends. No, really. I have to write this one. In case the sob story above wasn’t enough, I also moved to Connecticut in February of 2010 and I don’t know if I’ve vented about this before but I’ve got the worst kind of trouble finding and making friends here. It’s like everyone hates me because I’m a Southerner. Well isn’t that fantastic.
  • Happiness. I’m in a very sad mood now. When this happens I realize all the crappy things going on. I feel like arse for not keeping up with the blog, for barely managing to keep up with my homework, for being a sad and sore mess all the time now that school’s started… It sucks. I feel like I’m, like, play-dough that got rolled all the way out as thin as it could go and that four year old kid is still rolling rolling rolling, not realizing that it’s about to break if they aren’t careful.
Today is not the day for the picture. I apologize. I hope you all have a wonderful night, week, and upcoming weekend.

Sincere Apologies

It is so hard to blog when you come back home after a month-long vacation, two days before you start your sophomore year! Wow!

Still, I take full responsibility for having fallen behind on my posting. Here’s my deal. I’m going to set a goal to try to blog at least twice a week, even if it’s only a meme. If that goes well, I’ll try to increase it to thrice. However, I’m taking high school more seriously this year and nailing down on work and things I need to do. Of course, I’m typing this while I still have biology that I need to do but that’s okay because it’s still early in the day and the homework is light. But honestly, I got my planner today and I plan to actually make good use of it this year instead of abandon it and use it just for bathroom passes.

Moving on.

So I’m taking contemporary psychology this year which I’ve only had one class of so far (today was the third day of school) and it seems pretty good. I’m the only sophomore in it and so it makes me even more shy than I generally am. However, that’s the point of the class it seems, to cease shyness and converse. And indeed, I did meet some people in the class and they were friendly enough. Always good news!

Nothing else is really reportable. I still have a lot to write about my trip but gosh, I’m just not up to it. Oye. I apologize for my laziness and tiredness but it’s been a long day.

I’ll have Kenny encourage me to write more soon, I promise. But he’s also the reason I’m about to go start my biology homework. So I’ll get back to you all shortly, and thank you recurring visitors for your faith in me. ♥